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Thief Needs Treatment for Radiation

Paraphrased by Steve Waldrop

Vancouver, British Columbia

A determined, but unlucky thief broke into a Canadian weather station on Vancouver Island. Not only did he make off with more than $300 worth of tools, his efforts also exposed him to a dose of radiation.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police issued an unusual warning urging the thief to seek immediate medical treatment, reminding him or her that the visit can remain secret because of doctor-patient confidentiality rules.

Police said the thief was exposed to radiation when entering and leaving the unmanned station at Mount Sicker on southern Vancouver Island through a Doppler Radar dome near the top of the facility.

Police issued the following statement: "The radar is bathed in radiation. Human exposure to this type of radiation could result in permanent damage to soft tissue, such as eyes and testicles." Microwave radiation is also known to preferentially kill male sperm.

In order to reach the dome, the thief had to get through three barbed wire fences and climb an 80-foot spiral staircase. No one is sure when the break-in occurred, but authorities believe it happened within the last three weeks.